Tired! Exhausted! Worn Out!

Tired!  Exhausted!  Worn out!

Then there is knackered (slang), bushed, buggered (slang), weary, fatigued, dead, beat, burned out, pooped (slang), jaded, spent, stuffed (slang) and f*cked (just plain rude)!

All of these words describe how I feel most of the time! However, none of them, when I use them, refer to the bone achingly done in feeling that comes after hard physical labour or exercise of any kind!  Not that I have never felt that way – I have!  But at the moment, my tiredness is ruled and controlled by my mind and NOT my body.  I actually, long to feel that physical tiredness but I am continually living at crawl pace because my mental exhaustion debilitates me so.

Sleep is not something that comes easily for me.  I am both an early riser and a late nighter.  For years I have woken during the night – so therefore what sleep I get, doesn’t leave me feeling refreshed when I wake.  Finding the correct temperature at night is often a challenge, with the night sweats of menopause not helping.

As a child, my parents soon observed that I was a good sleeper and a heavy sleeper.  As long as I had my thumb in my mouth and my cuddly rug in my hand, I would and could sleep anywhere!  You don’t know how many times I have thought about taking both these childhood habits up again as an adult!!!!

Sleep has always been one of my stress releases – the other ……. talking!  Yes I know, surprising isn’t it!!  I went through a period during Intermediate School and early High School, where I had a series of sporting injuries …. yes I played sport and was good at it!

My Mum tells me that on trips to the hospital to have plaster cast changes, I would chatter all the way during the bus trip there and back, then come home and sleep for a few hours.   They found that it was pointless to send me back to school on those days because sleep was what I needed.  As a young adult, if I had too many late nights, I became grumpy and just needed to sleep on a regular basis, to become a contributing member of society once again.  It wasn’t hard to catch up as a child or a teenager.

But then the babies started arriving and the next 10 or so years were a blur of sleep deprivation.  I tried to “sleep when your baby sleeps” – yeah right, that really works …. if you have toddlers as well or if you remotely care about your house or husband!  That tiredness was a mixture of physical and mental tiredness but it does come to an end ….. unless you decide to spread your family out over a longer period than usual.  Like we did!  Our last baby wasn’t even born when the early morning swimming training was occurring and at the other end – late night teenage dances and party pick ups began.  Add to this the necessity of returning to work at nights and not long after, a newly diagnosed husband with cancer.  My sleep or inability to sleep, patterns were set!

Twenty years on …. I am still needing sleep as my number one stress release and I am still knackered!  I have attempted many suggested cures for my unhelpful sleep habits.  I have turned off my technology early.  I have tried regularity in my going to sleep and waking up times.  I do not drink coffee – at all!  I’ve tried prayer and meditation.  Warm showers.  Writing down my thoughts before I go to bed.  I have block out curtains.  I’ve adjusted the temperature in my room – down.  Blah blah blah ….. everything works for a while – nothing works for any length of time!

I am continually amazed at how I can drop off to sleep at the wrong time, in the wrong place if I allow myself.  Often after waking at between 4 & 5am, I feel my eyelids drooping at home around 8am or at work at around 10am!!  In church – sermon time – sleep time!  In the middle of an exciting TV show – sleep time!  And then the reverse happens in bed!  Eyes wide open.  Mind going a hundred miles an hour.  Sleep nowhere to be found.  Anxiety is a bitch.  There is no other word for it.  It sucks all the life from me and leaves me …  Tired!  Exhausted!  Worn out!  Knackered!  Bushed!  Buggered!  Weary!  Fatigued!  Dead!  Beat!  Burned out!   Pooped!  Jaded!  Spent!  Stuffed!  F*cked!

How about you?  Care to share your sleep stories or tips?