Lazy …. really?

LAZY!

That word.  It keeps popping into my head.

Am I ? I really don’t know.  I think I am.  I must be.  I just don’t do stuff that I should.  Lots of stuff.  I don’t keep up.  I start but I hardly ever finish …. anything!  I want to, but there are so many distractions!   There always has been and it is the same for everyone.  Other people get distracted but still get stuff done … I don’t!

Distractions are my killers!

In the summer there is the cricket and the games go for 5 days, people!  And I don’t get bored – ever!  You can blame my Mum & Dad for that.  It’s a family tradition.  Eye spy with my little eye …. my sister lying on her couch in New Zealand watching the cricket.  But she will have already done some of the stuff she needed to do, before the cricket starts.  She makes bargains with herself.  She has to hang out the washing before she sits down.  Clever, I think, I’ll try that.  2 days later I remember that I put washing on and totally forgot about hanging it out to dry!  I got distracted by …. I don’t know what but I must have been distracted because if I wasn’t, I really might just be LAZY!  Then there is the heat!  I really don’t do hot!  In the winter there is the distraction of footy and the cold!  I do do footy but I don’t do cold!

Posted @ QUOTEZ.CO

Friends who love me say – you just have to do it!  I know – but I don’t do it!  They come and help me to get started on things and I am so appreciative of their care and love.  But then I stop when they leave and don’t get things finished.  I have thought about why I am like this but I find no answers.  It annoys the hell out of me but not enough to motivate me to do anything!

I will always choose being over doing.  I would much rather spend time sitting chatting with friends than walking chatting with friends.  Technology is my life line but also it is killing me!  You see, it is my way of being with people without having to go and do anything.  I live alone and I suffer from anxiety and depression.  I need to feel connected to people with a minimum of stress and that is easier with technology.  I have made attempts to cut back on my use of social media and I’ve several times removed apps from my phone to help me engage with the real world.  It doesn’t take me long to find myself in a dark place, opting out of life.  Addiction is a word that comes to mind.

So I wander along this befuddled line of self care, loving myself, forgiving myself and laziness!  I need to do stuff for my brain and my body and my spirit and my faith and my relationships!  I have no idea what to do about this?  Do you have any ideas?  Please share suggestions if you do.  I am interested in your thoughts and ideas  and whatever makes you do your stuff!

Meanwhile, I’m going back to watch the cricket while you are all thinking for me!

lazy-quotes-8

Advertisements

Mandy’s G20 Spa Update:1

Hmm, it hasn’t quite gone as I expected, but it began well, waking up early and hanging the first load of washing before 7am!  Next, while eating a healthy breakfast, I logged on to see what wonderful offerings had arrived in my inbox and sure enough my tribe had not failed me.

The first offering was a link sent to me by someone who knows my heart well.  It was a link to a blog by Ashley Hackshaw.  It so nurtured my soul this morning that I am hoping Ashley aka Lil Blue Boo doesn’t mind me sharing it here?

http://www.lilblueboo.com/2014/08/why-i-told-my-husband-he-could-walk-away.html

I especially loved the quote she shared from Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom

Tues with Morrie quote

Next I had a laugh provided by Jimmy Fallon & Channing Tatum via this little gem

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rhwc5_iWkA

It was about time that I realised that this was happening today on TV and well you know me and sport!!

2014-11-14 14.37.18

So instead of pampering body, I decided to pamper my home by attacking Mt Washmore, while watching the cricket!  So the doona’s were popped into the washing machine and I began sorting and folding until my table looked like this …

2014-11-14 14.36.37

Those are piles, people! Folded and sorted piles, people!  I’m so proud of me.

Just the queen sized doona to hang out and then I’m ready for some slathering and soaking.  As I was hanging out the doona, I wrenched my grumpy shoulder and MAN DOES IT HURT!!!! So the rest of the day is being spent with a wheat pack and these …

2014-11-14 15.05.18

It is 34 degrees here and I have a heat pack on my shoulder!!  I guess it will open the pores on my neck – if that was what I wanted to deep cleanse.  So I have ended Day 1 of Mandy’s G20 Spa by eating hot, fresh croissants with butter and strawberry jam.  And I am happy and have achieved stuff  and am looking forward to Day 2 of Mandy’s G20 Spa.

Until then.

2014-11-14 07.37.50

Rant Follow Up and other things!

I am feeling much better.

I still think Stinkalink deserves its new name but after a few reasonable sleeps; a couple of days of comfort food; time processing things with friends and a conversion with the Social Worker!!! (Yes, she actually rang me yesterday) I now know where and what to do.

I am Lantana!

The Social Worker gave me information about discounts and benefits I am eligible for and will not lose if I continue to get well.  I also worked out that working money plus pension discounts,  is more than benefit money.  I found out that my file has, now, been marked, so that I do not have to apply for other jobs!  Such a relief!

So, I can now afford to keep going with my counselling and continue on my slow planned return to work but I will still have a safety net for those days when anxiety takes over.  Such a relief!  My question is “Why could not the Stinkalink people tell me that in the first place?”

Moving on ….. Great things came from this speed bump.  I did not crawl into bed and put the covers over my head – at all!  I did not have a panic attack – at all!  I spoke to people I didn’t know or necessarily trust about hard stuff – on my own!  I stood up for my self – on my own!

Tonight is going to be big for me.  I have registered and will attend a blogging seminar with Nikki from Styling You – ON MY OWN PEOPLE!!!!

Fashion Blogging: Styling You

Join Nikki Parkinson as she shares her journey from journalist to fashion blogger and author. Nikki will explain the inspiration behind her blog Styling You — which draws thousands of readers every day — and how devices and apps can make blogging easier. She’ll also discuss how blogging led her to publish her first book, Unlock Your Style, now available on iBooks.

Immediately after registering I began to talk myself out of going BUT instead of backing out, I decided to contact Nikki to ask if I would be out of my depth.  Brave, aren’t I?  Guess what?  She answered and encouraged me to come and congratulated me on starting my blog!!  Great I thought – I will go.

About 5 minutes later I thought …… OMG she is a fashion blogger …… What the hell will fat, frumpy, old me wear?  I need a pedicure – I can’t afford a pedicure!  I need to have my hair done – I can’t afford to have my hair done!

Breathe….Breathe….Breathe….

My self talk conversation went like this ……This week you conquered Stinkalink!  This is good stuff.  This is growing stuff.  You can do this. Remember how you wrote this at the end of Worth the Weight?

 I have to believe in my new story as I write it.  I have to have courage to say it out loud and to believe I am enough – now!  Not days, months, years down the track – when I am thin.  But NOW.   As I am!  At the moment!   I am enough!

So I will take my enough self to the Seminar and I will learn and grow and I might even try to get a photo with Nikki!

Productivity v Procrastination.

Yesterday was one of those wonderful days.  Full of productivity and procrastination.  How can it have been both, you ask?  Let me explain!

For the last couple of months I have been suffering with increasing pain, from an angry bursa in my right shoulder.  It has meant that neither my sleep nor the use of my right arm has been good.  So last Monday, I had an ultrasound and eventually, a cortisone shot in the grumpy shoulder.  You may well ask why I let it go for so long before getting it seen to?  Well, the truth is that I have had the same problem before and spent $7k on an operation to get it fixed.  I was so angry and disappointed with the result, that I could not begin to even consider the expense of having it done again.  So, I put up with it!   But then I began to wonder (as the pain increased) if it was, in fact, the left shoulder I had had the surgery on – the other shoulder.  Do you know that I simply could not remember which shoulder it was?  I searched for paperwork to no avail.  I had people check me for the keyholes – still no luck.  So I took myself off to the GP and sure enough, it was indeed my other shoulder.  My left shoulder, that had been operated on less than 12 months ago, was doing very well thank you very much but my right shoulder was grumpy and sore.  I can’t believe I couldn’t remember which shoulder I had in a sling etc for all those weeks!!!

Anyway, armed with a newly cortisoned shoulder (can you see what I did there?) by yesterday it was beginning to feel better.  There were jobs to be done that had been lying around in wait for some time e.g. the clothes situation from https://themandydiaries.wordpress.com/2014/09/10/im-drowning/ 

Blog bedroom

Today would be the day to tackle that and I proceeded to pile all the clothes onto my bed!

So I began ……….  vacuuming  and then I mopped the floors!  It made sense to me!  They were both jobs that were desperately overdue and it made my Unit smell clean and fresh.  Next I tackled the bathrooms;  I did two loads of washing; emptied the inside bins and cleaned the cat litter box; scrubbed out and refilled the bird bath – then I stood and watched the birds enjoy the fresh cool water!

As it was a hot day, I then turned on the airconditioner and had a cooling shower and  a few minutes on the couch, before tackling the chicken satay I was keen to make for dinner.  All went to plan and a clean fresh Mandy, sat down in a clean fresh house, to eat my yummy dinner, washed down with a delicious gin & tonic!

satay & glasses

It was about this time that the arm broke off my glasses!  I tried to stick it together with tape but it would not work.  I tried wearing them with only one arm but they just kept slipping off!  These were my TV watching glasses and I had at least two football games to watch yet, so I was not all that impressed.  Anyway, I had a good dinner in a clean house so I thought I shouldn’t really be mad – although watching TV with my reading/computer glasses was blurry to say the least.  Much later I wandered contentedly into my bedroom to get ready for bed to be greeted by this ……..

Clothes 1

I had completely forgotten that I had intended to attack the clothes situation!  There they  were.  Piled three stories high. On my bed!  Mt Washmore!  I felt like screaming.  I, once again had put off  doing the thing that was stressing me out the most.

Clothes 2

Now I could focus on what I didn’t do or I could focus on what I did do.  I chose the latter.  Well done, I told myself.  Tomorrow I would do the clothes!  Tomorrow!

This morning I woke up feeling as if my shoulder and me had been hit by a bus!  Yes, I had completely over estimated the ability of my shoulder.  I had totally over done it.  I could not even stretch my arms to brush my hair ….. so ….. once again the clothes would have to wait for another day or two!  How annoying – not!  Yes it would be a day on the couch, watching TV through my broken glasses.

Wonky glasses
Wonky glasses but nice shaped eyebrows!

But be warned people – if you visit me this week, you WILL  be sorting and folding clothes!

Weekend over!