The last 5 months have been very tough for me. There has been much interstate travel (which I am getting better at), changes in my work status, more ill-health than is manageable, injury and of course the necessary move of my *MIL out of her home of 30 years, into a Nursing Home and the subsequent declining of her health and finally her death.
Pleasingly, to me, I have not fallen into an immediate heap, as has been the normal pattern of behaviour for me – especially when things stop! I have, however, felt the desire for a servant in my home; the yearning for a beautiful garden to lift my flagging spirit; the urge to eat everything custard (but not banana custard, Mum) for every meal; and for friends and family to magically appear when I want company and disappear when I don’t!
I spoke to my Psychologist, yesterday, about how I was feeling guilty because I have not yet cried at the death of my much-loved MIL. I simply feel relief, tinged with just a little anger!
I feel relief because I no longer have to worry that she is being cared for properly. I feel relief that she is no longer in pain. I feel relief that I no longer have to put on my crisis mask and manage all the stuff …. I feel relief that I no longer need to feel helpless to make MIL happy and fulfilled with her life. I feel relief at no longer feeling responsible when myself or my boys didn’t contact her as much as we should. She was so easily made happy with a phone chat.
And angry …. because MIL is gone to be with God and I am still here wading through the mire that is my life. I’m angry at cancer because it took my husband and left me to do all the necessary stuff for his Mum. F u cancer! I feel angry because there is one less person who really knew Adrian, that I can talk too.
But I have not fallen in a heap, so that’s good – right?
My Psychologist simply said that it was now time to take care of myself for a little while. To be kind to my inner person as I had been doing to my MIL. To find those things that nurture my spirit and soothe my body and mind.
So I visited Madders Brothers Patisserie and bought a red velvet delight topped with a macaron – that surely soothed my body!
On returning home, I lit my Verona candle from Glasshouse Fragrances.
Later I got my Mindfulness Colouring Book and did some therapeutic colouring in.
And then there is always this ……
Fev is the softest, smoochiest, purriest, heart soother I have!!
I also, read blogs that inspire me – check any featured on my list of Blogs to Read (on the right of my page). I, also have been known to be nourished by words and quotes. So here are a few of my favourite ones –
What do you do to nurture yourself?
*MIL = mother-in-law