Easy Option? I Don’t Think So!

Go to bed early.  Set the alarm for 12:30am.   Wake up and watch the All Blacks win their Rugby World Cup semi final, then stay up and watch Arsenal beat Everton in the English Premier League!  Too easy … I have a plan.  I need a plan because my sleep has been all up the creek for days and I really need the shut-eye before the games begin – if I want to see them through.

Arrow haka

It had been a week and a bit since I had slept any longer than 4 hours straight.  Yeah, I know – Mum’s & Dad’s with new babies would kill for 4 hours sleep in a row!  But I am not a Mum with a new bub.  I am a 56-year-old woman who feels like she has been living in the Twilight Zone.  I am going through a medication review and the new dosage has been playing havoc with my system.  I promised my doctor that I would hang in there for another week to see if I improve, or at least settle down.

So Everybody, I’m taking the easy option!  Take anti anxiety & depression meds – that’s the easy option …. the cop-out option.  Not so my friends …. well at least not for me.  So, what does an increase in medication dosage do to me?  Yes, you read correctly – this is just an increase in dosage.  Not even a change of medication!  I’ve got that to look forward to next, if this increase doesn’t work.

It begins with a never-ending dry mouth.  And I mean parched or as we say in Australia as dry as a dead dingo’s donger!  This is immediately accompanied by  the inability to sleep …. at least at night-time!  Sit me down anytime during the day  and I may fall asleep in the middle of using the toilet; typing on the laptop or stopped at traffic lights!  Therefore, for me, driving is not the safest past time.

strewth-mate-im-as-dry-as-a-dead-dingos-donger

The next fun thing to arrive, is a drastic increase in my anxiety levels.   That means things that I may be well on the way to conquering and controlling, all of a sudden become HUGE  again.  Everyday stuff like personal hygiene, collecting the mail and hanging the washing on the line are no longer doable.  Socializing, whether for work or otherwise, is just not going to happen.  High anxiety causes my stomach to be unhappy, which leads to …. well, we all know what that leads to!

anxiety-cartoon-drawingCome on down manic thought processing!  Yes, next my mind is racing with ideas and song lyrics and to do lists and recipes and words plenty of words.  I am unable to write anything.  I can’t organise my thoughts enough to make any sense.  Unfortunately, my body is only wanting to move at Sloth pace …. that would be a Sloth with the shakes!!  Not at all helpful when your mind is going 100 miles an hour.

sloth

The last couple of goodies that I get to enjoy, are forgetfulness and avoidance leading to almost complete withdrawal.  I, also, seem to crave dairy products but this may just be my thoughtful heart, once again, trying to support the Dairy industry!

anxiety2

So there you have it.  Me, a week and bit into a medication review and all I want to do is get some sleep before the Rugby match.  Not going to happen!  I actually get into bed and turn off the light but for the first time in over a week, I feel like writing something.  I’ve had quite a good day.  I took the rubbish down to the bins.  I showered.  I drove to the Garden Centre and bought some plants.  I planted the plants in my garden.  I prepared and ate three healthy meals today as well!

So up I get.  Out of bed and here I sit typing away.  Sharing by word, what that easy option of meds looks like for me.  Each person will be different.  Some breeze through, many are much worse.

For me – I had a good day!  Maybe I will continue to feel good tomorrow as well.  Either way, nothing about anxiety and depression is easy.  Not the suffering or the road back to good health.  I would never choose it for myself and I will use what ever means the doctors think will help me rediscover the old me again, even if that includes medication.  The alternative is simply unbearable.

Go the All Blacks and the Gunners!  Make my day a fabulous one!

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Mandy’s G20 Spa Update: Conclusion.

The G20 in Brisbane is over.  Vlad left early!  Barack wowed the Uni Students!  Tones … well Tones was just Tones!  Most of the road closures will be slowly getting back to normal but the weekend was anything but normal!  We had days of this –

2014-11-15 13.18.52

It was ridiculously hot which meant any Spa activities that needed me to leave the house and the air conditioning, were well and truly forgotten!  It was actually too hot to walk the 100 metres to our Community pool, remove the cover, swim, replace the cover, then walk the 100 metres back to the house!  So, the weekend of pampering and relaxation of myself changed quite a lot.

I was amazed to notice that the minute I announced the fact of having a pampering weekend and gave myself permission to have a relaxing weekend – I became revitalized and energetic.  Ploughing into those tasks that have previously been beyond me.  Tasks like tackling Mt Washmore!  Like organising my wardrobe and packing away my Winter woollens.  I washed and packed away winter bedding. Of course, because of the weather, it was a nightmare to hang out the washing but it did dry in a heartbeat!

You know, I never did slather, smooth, pluck or exfoliate anything but I really don’t mind.  My mind was fed and nourished with the beauty of music and words.  And I achieved many satisfying outcomes within my home.  No, my home is not picture perfect nor sparkling from top to bottom.  But it is a more serene and organised place in which to feel calm and motivated.  I wanted to give myself a hug and I did!  And it felt good!

Here are some photos of other things that made me feel relaxed, calm and motivated on the G20 weekend.

A Kookaburra and a Peewee dropped in for a well needed drink.
A Kookaburra and a Peewee dropped in for a well needed drink.
The All Blacks had a narrow win against Scotland.
The All Blacks had a narrow win against Scotland.
Mettwurst, cheese & crackers for lunch.
Mettwurst, cheese & crackers for lunch.
Mango season is well and truly here.
Mango season is well and truly here.
My bedroom minus Mt Washmore!
My bedroom minus Mt Washmore!

I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful I feel with all those clothes having been sorted, folded and packed away.  Yes, there is ironing to be done but next weekend I will receive a whirlwind visit from my New Zealand nephew and seeing as he is my Sister’s son – I’m hoping that her love of ironing has been passed down the generation!  I am not holding my breath, though!

The other soul nourishment from my G20 Spa Weekend, came from Glennon Doyle Melton and her wonderfully down to earth blog,  Momastery. Her blog and her book, Carry On Warrior are continued sources of encouragement and laughter in my daily life.  I would love you to discover for yourself her inspirational words.  Here are a couple of snippets to whet your appetite.

2014-11-17 10.27.22

You are not a mess

So, what do you find nourishing and uplifting?  Maybe you will be surprised to discover that relaxation and pampering can come from the most unexpected places e.g my conquering of Mt Washmore!

Go Team!

I love sport!  I used to love playing it.  Athletics & netball were my thing.  I was good at both.  I’m not being a big head.  I was good.  Now I love to watch sport – live & on TV.  I am a faithful supporter of my team.  I wear their colours with pride.

Netball

When the Boys were young it was easy.  They swam in the Summer & played Australian Rules Football(AFL) in the winter.  As they grew, it became more complicated.  They swam for their club & their school, and they played AFL for their club & football(soccer) for their school.  When they left school, things  became really complicated.  They played soccer for their club; came to watch the AFL live with me; stayed up half the weekend watching Premier League Football in England; travelled to the 2010 Soccer World Cup in South Africa; went to the F1 Grand Prix in Melbourne and never missed supporting the New Zealand All Black Rugby Union team on TV!

Haka 2014 a

Can you see my problem?  I love sport and I am a faithful supporter of my team.  I wear their colours with pride!  I now have 3 major teams and a multiple of minor teams I support.

I love the New Zealand All Blacks (yes Richie – I am single at the moment!); the Brisbane Lions AFL team and Arsenal in the Premier League!  I also, support the Brisbane Roar, Gregory Terrace, the Auckland Blues, Queensland Bulls, whatever club the Boys are playing for, the Socceroos and all good cricket no matter who is playing (yes sometimes it is just easier to sit on the fence!)

Keeping the colours under control can be a challenge.  Especially on days when all or most of MY teams are playing on the same day!  This happens frequently because I support different sports in different countries. Today is one of those days and I can’t wait!

My day begins with BabyBoy playing his football final in navy blue, followed immediately by finding a TV close by, to watch the All Blacks playing South Africa in …. black.  This will finish just in time for the the 2nd semi final of the AFL where my team are no longer involved but I have to choose between the purple of Fremantle & the teal of Port Adelaide!  My day will finish in the red & white of my beloved Arsenal playing Man City!  BossBoy is playing in his band tonight & they mostly wear black so I can double up there and BerlinBoy has gone surfing in Spain, so no need to pull on the green of his German club team.

Today could turn out to be one of the happiest days for me in a while or it could turn out to be really, really bad.  Either way I will be doing my own version of the Colour Run today!

colour run