Go to bed early. Set the alarm for 12:30am. Wake up and watch the All Blacks win their Rugby World Cup semi final, then stay up and watch Arsenal beat Everton in the English Premier League! Too easy … I have a plan. I need a plan because my sleep has been all up the creek for days and I really need the shut-eye before the games begin – if I want to see them through.
It had been a week and a bit since I had slept any longer than 4 hours straight. Yeah, I know – Mum’s & Dad’s with new babies would kill for 4 hours sleep in a row! But I am not a Mum with a new bub. I am a 56-year-old woman who feels like she has been living in the Twilight Zone. I am going through a medication review and the new dosage has been playing havoc with my system. I promised my doctor that I would hang in there for another week to see if I improve, or at least settle down.
So Everybody, I’m taking the easy option! Take anti anxiety & depression meds – that’s the easy option …. the cop-out option. Not so my friends …. well at least not for me. So, what does an increase in medication dosage do to me? Yes, you read correctly – this is just an increase in dosage. Not even a change of medication! I’ve got that to look forward to next, if this increase doesn’t work.
It begins with a never-ending dry mouth. And I mean parched or as we say in Australia as dry as a dead dingo’s donger! This is immediately accompanied by the inability to sleep …. at least at night-time! Sit me down anytime during the day and I may fall asleep in the middle of using the toilet; typing on the laptop or stopped at traffic lights! Therefore, for me, driving is not the safest past time.
The next fun thing to arrive, is a drastic increase in my anxiety levels. That means things that I may be well on the way to conquering and controlling, all of a sudden become HUGE again. Everyday stuff like personal hygiene, collecting the mail and hanging the washing on the line are no longer doable. Socializing, whether for work or otherwise, is just not going to happen. High anxiety causes my stomach to be unhappy, which leads to …. well, we all know what that leads to!
Come on down manic thought processing! Yes, next my mind is racing with ideas and song lyrics and to do lists and recipes and words plenty of words. I am unable to write anything. I can’t organise my thoughts enough to make any sense. Unfortunately, my body is only wanting to move at Sloth pace …. that would be a Sloth with the shakes!! Not at all helpful when your mind is going 100 miles an hour.
The last couple of goodies that I get to enjoy, are forgetfulness and avoidance leading to almost complete withdrawal. I, also, seem to crave dairy products but this may just be my thoughtful heart, once again, trying to support the Dairy industry!
So there you have it. Me, a week and bit into a medication review and all I want to do is get some sleep before the Rugby match. Not going to happen! I actually get into bed and turn off the light but for the first time in over a week, I feel like writing something. I’ve had quite a good day. I took the rubbish down to the bins. I showered. I drove to the Garden Centre and bought some plants. I planted the plants in my garden. I prepared and ate three healthy meals today as well!
So up I get. Out of bed and here I sit typing away. Sharing by word, what that easy option of meds looks like for me. Each person will be different. Some breeze through, many are much worse.
For me – I had a good day! Maybe I will continue to feel good tomorrow as well. Either way, nothing about anxiety and depression is easy. Not the suffering or the road back to good health. I would never choose it for myself and I will use what ever means the doctors think will help me rediscover the old me again, even if that includes medication. The alternative is simply unbearable.
Go the All Blacks and the Gunners! Make my day a fabulous one!