How do you deal with feeling lonely? Maybe you don’t ever feel lonely? Maybe you can feel it creeping up on you and so you take steps to stem the tide of the wave that is being alone. I can, mostly, recognise it coming but I don’t really know how to stop it or to protect myself from the inevitable downer that it brings on.
This weekend was a holiday weekend, that is in fact, the last weekend before the kids end their Summer holiday. When I was teaching, it was that last busy few days to get my own kids organised for their return to school and prepare my classroom for the return of my special kids in the Special Education Unit. But now – I haven’t been teaching for many years and my kids are long grown up and living far and wide. Many of my friends use this as their last chance to hit the beach before they settle back at work properly.
I spent my weekend trying to structure my days, so that I wouldn’t fall into that hole of loneliness. It didn’t really work.
I certainly had a productive weekend. I sorted and purged my wardrobe and I cleared out my floordrobe thanks to another of my favourite bloggers, Smaggle! I drove to the shops and bought storage containers that fit under my bed and culled my shoes! I even gave away those shoes I love but are impossible to wear anymore.
I did 3 loads of laundry – washed, hung out, folded and put it away in my newly cleared out wardrobe and drawers. I watched a movie, The Ides of March, with Ryan and George but even they weren’t enough to fill my emptiness. I paid some bills, played online games, updated facebook, tried to read (I’m still struggling with concentration), listened to the hottest 100 on triple j and, of course, I watched some sport on TV! Busy busy busy!
But …. I did every one of those things alone. I spoke to nobody. I connected with not one person the whole weekend – other than by text or facebook.
READERS PLEASE LISTEN: I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty about not calling me or inviting me or visiting me!
You all have your own families and lives to live and I don’t wish to become a third leg in your life. I understand and appreciate all you give and do to/for me. I know you care about me. Guilt is not what I want to put on anyone. I know I am not alone! I am not looking for pity.
But I still feel this shitty loneliness that quickly turns into self-loathing and what I call a FAT DAY! Once I get to this point I no longer have the confidence to go outside, go swimming, call anyone, cook, answer the phone ….. Need I go on? I hate feeling this way.
So what I am looking for, is any ideas or strategies that work in your life. Things that you do or have done in the past during those unwanted lonely times. I know that many of you would be thrilled to experience some time without your family, doing just what you choose. I am not talking about those times. I, too feel this way somedays. It is those times when you need to feel connected to others and it just doesn’t seem possible without imposing.
So, I’m off to shower and put on a clean pair of pj’s. While I’m gone, I’m going to hit publish and you can hit me with your thoughts and ideas or just share your feelings if you, too, feel loneliness some days.