Words … Forgiven not Forgotten!

Yesterday I sucked at being  adult and a human being!  I came home from my holiday feeling challenged by some parts of it; feeling unwell and with a broken tooth that has rubbed the inside of my cheek raw!   I took it out on those around me!  I totally sucked.  I was hurtful and dismissive and nasty and cruel.  I wanted to hurt and I did.  Why?  I have no idea why!  After months of working on the new story inside my head, I reverted to the old one and it felt so comfortable and it still fit so well, I just embraced that old story and I published it – full volume.  There are no paragraphs in this post because there were no paragraphs in what I said or how I said it yesterday.  I was a freight train …  running out of control.  I am ashamed.  I have regret.  I am sorry.  Today, the repair needs to begin.  I need to forgive myself for that train but I also need to own it because I could see what was happening but I allowed it to escalate anyway.  Today, I tell myself that this is not the end. Just another glitch in the story, all be it a rather big one.  If I can forgive myself, I can then ask forgiveness from others because words can not be forgotten – only forgiven.

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