That word. It keeps popping into my head.
Am I ? I really don’t know. I think I am. I must be. I just don’t do stuff that I should. Lots of stuff. I don’t keep up. I start but I hardly ever finish …. anything! I want to, but there are so many distractions! There always has been and it is the same for everyone. Other people get distracted but still get stuff done … I don’t!
Distractions are my killers!
In the summer there is the cricket and the games go for 5 days, people! And I don’t get bored – ever! You can blame my Mum & Dad for that. It’s a family tradition. Eye spy with my little eye …. my sister lying on her couch in New Zealand watching the cricket. But she will have already done some of the stuff she needed to do, before the cricket starts. She makes bargains with herself. She has to hang out the washing before she sits down. Clever, I think, I’ll try that. 2 days later I remember that I put washing on and totally forgot about hanging it out to dry! I got distracted by …. I don’t know what but I must have been distracted because if I wasn’t, I really might just be LAZY! Then there is the heat! I really don’t do hot! In the winter there is the distraction of footy and the cold! I do do footy but I don’t do cold!
Friends who love me say – you just have to do it! I know – but I don’t do it! They come and help me to get started on things and I am so appreciative of their care and love. But then I stop when they leave and don’t get things finished. I have thought about why I am like this but I find no answers. It annoys the hell out of me but not enough to motivate me to do anything!
I will always choose being over doing. I would much rather spend time sitting chatting with friends than walking chatting with friends. Technology is my life line but also it is killing me! You see, it is my way of being with people without having to go and do anything. I live alone and I suffer from anxiety and depression. I need to feel connected to people with a minimum of stress and that is easier with technology. I have made attempts to cut back on my use of social media and I’ve several times removed apps from my phone to help me engage with the real world. It doesn’t take me long to find myself in a dark place, opting out of life. Addiction is a word that comes to mind.
So I wander along this befuddled line of self care, loving myself, forgiving myself and laziness! I need to do stuff for my brain and my body and my spirit and my faith and my relationships! I have no idea what to do about this? Do you have any ideas? Please share suggestions if you do. I am interested in your thoughts and ideas and whatever makes you do your stuff!
Meanwhile, I’m going back to watch the cricket while you are all thinking for me!