I am feeling much better.
I still think Stinkalink deserves its new name but after a few reasonable sleeps; a couple of days of comfort food; time processing things with friends and a conversion with the Social Worker!!! (Yes, she actually rang me yesterday) I now know where and what to do.
The Social Worker gave me information about discounts and benefits I am eligible for and will not lose if I continue to get well. I also worked out that working money plus pension discounts, is more than benefit money. I found out that my file has, now, been marked, so that I do not have to apply for other jobs! Such a relief!
So, I can now afford to keep going with my counselling and continue on my slow planned return to work but I will still have a safety net for those days when anxiety takes over. Such a relief! My question is “Why could not the Stinkalink people tell me that in the first place?”
Moving on ….. Great things came from this speed bump. I did not crawl into bed and put the covers over my head – at all! I did not have a panic attack – at all! I spoke to people I didn’t know or necessarily trust about hard stuff – on my own! I stood up for my self – on my own!
Tonight is going to be big for me. I have registered and will attend a blogging seminar with Nikki from Styling You – ON MY OWN PEOPLE!!!!
Fashion Blogging: Styling You
Join Nikki Parkinson as she shares her journey from journalist to fashion blogger and author. Nikki will explain the inspiration behind her blog Styling You — which draws thousands of readers every day — and how devices and apps can make blogging easier. She’ll also discuss how blogging led her to publish her first book, Unlock Your Style, now available on iBooks.
Immediately after registering I began to talk myself out of going BUT instead of backing out, I decided to contact Nikki to ask if I would be out of my depth. Brave, aren’t I? Guess what? She answered and encouraged me to come and congratulated me on starting my blog!! Great I thought – I will go.
About 5 minutes later I thought …… OMG she is a fashion blogger …… What the hell will fat, frumpy, old me wear? I need a pedicure – I can’t afford a pedicure! I need to have my hair done – I can’t afford to have my hair done!
My self talk conversation went like this ……This week you conquered Stinkalink! This is good stuff. This is growing stuff. You can do this. Remember how you wrote this at the end of Worth the Weight?
I have to believe in my new story as I write it. I have to have courage to say it out loud and to believe I am enough – now! Not days, months, years down the track – when I am thin. But NOW. As I am! At the moment! I am enough!
So I will take my enough self to the Seminar and I will learn and grow and I might even try to get a photo with Nikki!