Rant!

Today I am diverting away from my original goal of always trying to write positive and mostly uplifting posts because today I feel angry and defeated!

To set the scene, most of my readers know that I have been struggling with anxiety and depression in a most debilitating way for me, of late.  It manifests as avoidance of living a full and productive life and ends up with me crawling back under the covers and feeling totally incapable of attending to the most mundane day to day tasks –  like preparing meals and getting the mail and showering etc.  It also makes getting to work impossible and coping with phone calls, meetings, money things, a pipe dream.  Talking to people becomes my worst nightmare.  I just can’t / don’t want want to / can’t!!!

The great thing is that I got help at the right time and am slowly coming back to the Me I want to be.  That was until yesterday!  After much thought and being guided by doctors and family and friends, I decided I should approach a government agency that I have today named  Stinkalink.  It has been a long  drawn out process that has been going on for months and the upshot of it all was that firstly, I had to use up the majority of my meagre savings before I would be considered.  Then I was considered ineligible because my condition was not stable. Next I was given a much smaller interim payment while I was being treated and stabilized but this was cancelled because I had not been told to report my weekly earnings if I did attend work. I was also required to  apply for  jobs even though I have a job that is being kept open for me and job application would be one of the worst things for my anxiety levels. I was, also, required to front up for fortnightly face to face meetings at the Stinkalink Office even though I was told I had to report and submit my paperwork online.

After returning to the doctors for more complete reports, which stated that they thought I was stabilized but was not hopeful of significant improvement for 12 – 18 months. I resubmitted my claim.  Yesterday, I was phoned and told that my claim has again been rejected because ……. wait for it ……. I was hopeful of significant improvement in 12 – 18 months (which meant hopefully building my work hours up to 20 hours per fortnight).

I have been rejected because I am trying to get better!  You read correctly – I have been rejected because I am trying to get well!

I feel so angry and defeated but I was required to face up at Stinkalink  today, for a face to face meeting, where the man on the phone yesterday said, I should see a Social Worker to help me cope.  So show up I did.  Of course, no one there knew anything about a Social Worker, who was only in on Thursday / Friday and so they would give them my phone number.  I was also told that my current benefit would be cut because I was earning too much in the fortnight – I am working a sum total of 8 hours per fortnight but that is apparently too many hours.

Next I asked why I hadn’t been given a Health Concession card – only to be told I had been issued with one on the 3 October – but they had forgotten to notify me!!!  Do you realise how many doctor & psychologist appointments I’ve had since then????  Not to mention prescriptions from the chemist!!  The solution, apparently, is for me to go back to each place and request a refund.  So I began with the Chemist, who promptly printed off a list a mile long and said to take it back to Stinkalink which I did and I had to fill out another form to ask for  consideration.

So today I am finished with Stinkalink and I will reassess whether I will attempt to lodge a 3rd claim but today I am finished!  I have retreated to the couch, in front of the TV with this …….

And I don’t care because at least I am eating something and I am not in bed with the covers over my head!  I just need to rest and recover from a shitty day but I will not give up because you can’t kill weeds and I am Lantana!!!

Rant over – unfortunately I feel no better!