Today I am diverting away from my original goal of always trying to write positive and mostly uplifting posts because today I feel angry and defeated!
To set the scene, most of my readers know that I have been struggling with anxiety and depression in a most debilitating way for me, of late. It manifests as avoidance of living a full and productive life and ends up with me crawling back under the covers and feeling totally incapable of attending to the most mundane day to day tasks – like preparing meals and getting the mail and showering etc. It also makes getting to work impossible and coping with phone calls, meetings, money things, a pipe dream. Talking to people becomes my worst nightmare. I just can’t / don’t want want to / can’t!!!
The great thing is that I got help at the right time and am slowly coming back to the Me I want to be. That was until yesterday! After much thought and being guided by doctors and family and friends, I decided I should approach a government agency that I have today named Stinkalink. It has been a long drawn out process that has been going on for months and the upshot of it all was that firstly, I had to use up the majority of my meagre savings before I would be considered. Then I was considered ineligible because my condition was not stable. Next I was given a much smaller interim payment while I was being treated and stabilized but this was cancelled because I had not been told to report my weekly earnings if I did attend work. I was also required to apply for jobs even though I have a job that is being kept open for me and job application would be one of the worst things for my anxiety levels. I was, also, required to front up for fortnightly face to face meetings at the Stinkalink Office even though I was told I had to report and submit my paperwork online.
After returning to the doctors for more complete reports, which stated that they thought I was stabilized but was not hopeful of significant improvement for 12 – 18 months. I resubmitted my claim. Yesterday, I was phoned and told that my claim has again been rejected because ……. wait for it ……. I was hopeful of significant improvement in 12 – 18 months (which meant hopefully building my work hours up to 20 hours per fortnight).
I have been rejected because I am trying to get better! You read correctly – I have been rejected because I am trying to get well!
I feel so angry and defeated but I was required to face up at Stinkalink today, for a face to face meeting, where the man on the phone yesterday said, I should see a Social Worker to help me cope. So show up I did. Of course, no one there knew anything about a Social Worker, who was only in on Thursday / Friday and so they would give them my phone number. I was also told that my current benefit would be cut because I was earning too much in the fortnight – I am working a sum total of 8 hours per fortnight but that is apparently too many hours.
Next I asked why I hadn’t been given a Health Concession card – only to be told I had been issued with one on the 3 October – but they had forgotten to notify me!!! Do you realise how many doctor & psychologist appointments I’ve had since then???? Not to mention prescriptions from the chemist!! The solution, apparently, is for me to go back to each place and request a refund. So I began with the Chemist, who promptly printed off a list a mile long and said to take it back to Stinkalink which I did and I had to fill out another form to ask for consideration.
And I don’t care because at least I am eating something and I am not in bed with the covers over my head! I just need to rest and recover from a shitty day but I will not give up because you can’t kill weeds and I am Lantana!!!
Rant over – unfortunately I feel no better!