I’m Drowning …….

I’m drowning in clothes!  Everywhere I look in my bedroom, there is a pile of clothes.  Two washing baskets of clean clothes waiting to be folded.  One basket of laundry waiting to be washed.  Folded clothes on the seat at the end of my bed which don’t fit in my drawers.  Clothes, not dirty enough for laundry but not clean enough to put in the cupboard!

I’m drowning in trash!  My rubbish bins are over flowing and I need to take the outdoor rubbish down to the community bins.  I haven’t collected my mail for a couple of days and I have been surviving on out of date milk.

Do you notice a pattern here?

So what does this tell you about me?  I have too many clothes?  Probably.  Am I  lazy? Maybe a  little bit.  I don’t have enough storage in my bedroom?  Could be!

Blog bedroom

What this tells me, is that my depression is alive and kicking and it’s probably time to ask for help.

So you didn’t know I was a mental illness sufferer?  Well, I am and I have been medicated for quite a few years.  I feel lucky that it hasn’t been so severe that it has defined me as a person.  But lately this has changed.  For a multiple of reasons, my anxiety has been having an impact on my ability to work.  I have been avoiding stuff – like going out alone, going to new places or going to the footy.  I have been avoiding doing the things that help to make my life move forward – like healthy eating, household chores and getting in contact with friends.  Home has been my safe place.  I have been feeling disconnected from myself and my life.

But I saw the signs and asked for help.  I have great doctors and wonderful friends & family that care about me.  Some of you that have had contact with me, may not have even noticed.  The drowning feeling is subsiding and I am moving forward ….. s l o w l y!

The Mandy Diaries is part of my forward movement.

This doesn’t mean that I am expecting to take over the Internet.  Just as it doesn’t mean I will automatically become a domestic goddess.  I wish!  But it does mean that I will take my rubbish out and I will try to eat regularly.  I will keep posting my thoughts on life.  It helps me feel connected and helps me focus on the important and positive things in my life.  

Oh yeah – this what my bedroom sometimes looks like!

2014-06-29 12.46.58

9 thoughts on “I’m Drowning …….

  1. One thing to always remember Mandy you are loved by so many. Life has so much to offer you and we understand how hard it is to move on since Adrian’s passing so maybe you need to get yourself involved in helping others as we know you have that capacity locked inside you. It just needs to find a way of escaping again. There are many lonely people in Hostel/Nursing home situations who would really like your support by just turning up for a chat. We see it for ourselves where my Mum is and just a friendly chat lifts their spirits so much. Even reading to them or playing cards it all adds to giving someone else such joy. It also gives you a really worthy feeling that you know you have changed someone’s life too. It is worth thinking about because I see this helping you as well. It’s not about doing it alone so lean on those who can support you. We love you xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful post Mandy – you’re really brave, both in posting photos of real life (so many of us only trying to portray the best side of us rather than the realistic side of us) and in acknowledging that you needed more help. May God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

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